Wednesday, 27 August 2014

Recrafted paragraph

We came to the top of the stairs. And there we were, standing in a small dark room. It was a rather unsavoury place to be. At the end of the room, in a dome, was the dog stone. It's beautiful faint blue glow made an inch of the room light up. It was such a majestic Jewel that we started to steer. Suddenly the lights flicked on. And there, standing right there in front were fang and shard. And fluffy. Evil doctor fluffy. " well who do we have here" he said" wow, he's one stubborn Pomeranian " I whispered to crystal. " fang, shard. GET THEM!!!!" He barked. The guards leaped towards us. We dodged them and broke the glass dome. I snatched the dog stone and shoved it into a pocket in my detective coat. " NO!" He yelled. " you'll pay for this!, all investigators will pay!!!" He howled. 

Reflection: I could of worked on my language features. To use presice words to make my story stand out in different parts.... First, middle, end

I enjoy writing with Suzanne.
I hope you enjoy my chosen paragraph


  1. Love your descriptive writing.

  2. Awesome piece of writing Olivia! Tumeke!