include evidence (facts, experiments etc) to support my main point
I really like how you have developed an example tha might be new to the reader
explain the evidence and how it proves my main point
You have persevered to try to explain how/why your example proves your point - this is really tricky, well done.
Practise writing a linkingsentence to my next paragraph
Your ideas link in your paragraphs. Have a look at how writers link between paragraphs.
infuse style: topic-specifc vocab, second/third person, present tense, transition words
Great style. You have used some transition words.