Sunday, 14 September 2014

Writing portfolio sample T3

WALT:  Entertain

My writing goal this term was to use precise and technical language.

SUCCESS CRITERIA:I have used a range of precise vocabulary to communicate meaning.

TASK: craft a free-choice piece of writing that shows how I am developing my goal

Eventually, we came to the top of the red spiral stairs. And there we were, squished into a small dark room. The slobber runs down from Crystal’s mouth to my cheek. The wind flowing through the cracks enough to push her bad breath up my nose. It was a rather unsavoury place to be.

At the end of the room, in a dome, was the dog stone. It's majestic faint blue glow made just an inch of the room light up. Suddenly the lights flicked on. And there, standing right in front of us, were Fang and Shard and Fluffy. Evil doctor fluffy. " well who do we have here" he said" we've been caught by a Pomeranian " I whispered to crystal. " Fang, Shard. GET THEM!!!!" He barked. The guards lunged towards us. We dodged them and sprinted for the dome. 

I broke the glass and snatched the dog stone. I shoved it into my pocket. 

"NO!" He shouted. " you'll pay for this!, all investigators will pay!!!" He howled. 


How has your writing has improved this term? It has I proved heaps because of my juicy words. My writing pops cause it is full with my beautiful descriptive language. My family in outages me to right more so I keep on trying and trying.

The part of my story I am most proud of is….because… when the detectives clime into the room and they are squished. Then it says ( the slobber runs down her mouth to my cheek.) then it says ( the wind flowing through the cracks enough to push her bad breath up my nose.)

Next time, what is a goal you can work towards? My precise language. I'm getting better and it's my goal but I can still work on it in some of my sentences.

Feedback/Feedforward:great job, I loved your descriptive language it really pulled me in to the story,next time I think you could use less search in your writing. Niamh :) 



  1. Hi Olivia - very cleverly written focus piece of your draft; I loved reading this. What a powerful way you put those sentences together using precise language. Make sure that you go back and check spelling in your evaluation comments. Keep working on your goal next term across different genres.

  2. Wow Olivia, You really showed your goal (Precise and technical language) that was amazing. next time you could use more similes.

  3. I love my own writing. I love writing it to. I could work on the text and the sentence starts I think. Otherwise I'm a pretty good writer.
    Awesome, me, Olivia 😎 :)

  4. I really like your writing Olivia, I really liked the way you have built suspense in your writing... Next time you could add some more imeragey. Also I liked the way you used lots of metaphors. Your paragraphs were AWESOME to. Great job!