The walls were speckled with lights. Darkness ahead swallowed the light of my torch and I heard the wind whistle softly in time with a flutter of leaves. The glowing lights were like little beady eye's staring down at me.
A river of anxiousness trickled down my spine like a flowing stream. I switched of my torch and swiftly walked into the darkness. It was black. Pitch black. All I could see was the beautiful light blue lights of Glow-Worms.
Finally my night vision blew off some steam. But I'm sorry to say it played a trick on me. I thought I saw a hole so as I stepped over the mysterious hole I actually fall into one!
I squeezed my foot out. Ouch!!
When I got to the end, the top of the over hang looked like it was going to crumble like a cookie.
Glow-worms are so small but they have big silk strings. They are awesome!!!
By Olivia Bovey
Learning partner: Emma B
Feedback: I like the way you have used lots detail and you have used lots of verbs and you have described you feelings
Feedforward:I I think you need to work on being more described and adding more memetaphors.